These Happy Pills Make Me Sad

Back in December, I was temporarily put on some happy pills to help me deal with all the stress in my life regarding work and my health problems.  I just couldn't do it anymore on my own.  I've never been a proponent of behavioral medication (for myself) - but like I said, I just couldn't do it on my own anymore.  I was a bawling mess - all the time.  So, I got a little help. 

They say people think the pills start working right away and you can notice a change within the first few days, but really it takes a few weeks.  I was prepared for it to take a few weeks - but REALLY, it did only take a about 2 days for me to really notice a difference.  I was having feelings of happiness that I really couldn't control.  I laughed at the weirdest things.  But, one thing I noticed was that I couldn't cry unless I were in physical pain.

Now that I have been on these for about 4 months, I am still in need of them, but I don't like them for one simple reason - I can't cry - AT ALL!  Yeah, I probably could if I were in physical pain, but anything tied to emotions - nope - nada.  My uncle Bob died on Monday - have I been able to cry?  Nope.  I feel like I really want to - but I can't.  Nothing comes.  Often, I wonder if I'm just a heartless *&^%$ and I don't have feelings for when people die.  But, I DO!  It is sad when someone dies.  I know that I have a strong testimony and firmly believe in eternal families and life after death, but seriously, I really should be able to show my emotions for the passing of someone I love. 

The funeral is next week so we will be heading out to California for it.  Maybe I shouldn't take my pills for a couple days so I can actually feel the emotions....nah....it would probably just make me worse - I'd be an honery *&^%$ instead of a heartless one and that would probably be worse considering all the people I will be around.