Monday, May 16, 2011

Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me

Today between classes at church, I was called into the Bishop's office and asked to accept a new calling.  I had no idea what was coming.  I was asked to be the Laurel Advisor!  I was so excited!  I was just about ready to leap off the chair.

I headed out of the office to find Melon Man and he was nowhere to be found.  Bummer.  So, I hung out waiting to go into Relief Society for my first time in 6 months....and now to be my last time again for how ever long the Lord decides.  Soon, it was time for us to start.  The chorister was missing so I jumped up and volunteered to lead - saying something about how it was a welcome change from my "efforts" to play the piano the last six months.  That got a little chuckle. 

When it came time to lead the practice hymn, the chorister still had not arrived, so I led again.  We sang Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me.  About 2-3 lines into the song...

Over life’s tempestuous sea;
Unknown waves before me roll,
Hiding rock and treach’rous shoal.

...something hit me - something about how unqualified I am to lead these 16 and 17 year old young women - something about all the drama they go through, all the tears, all the emotions, all the trials.  I've had no experience whatsoever with dealing with any of that from an adult perspective.  I almost started to hyperventilate.  I began to have a mini-meltdown - a panic/anxiety attack.  My mind began rushing through scenario after scenario.  Would these girls accept me?  Would they even be willing to talk to me?  Would I be the naive little chickadee that I am or would I see through the fibs and the "tests" they would put me through?  All of this rolled through my head in a matter of just a few seconds.  I then heard the womens' voices sing....

Chart and compass came from thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

More thoughts of uncertainty rolled through my head and I began to really listen to the words.  Yes, I've been given a chart and compass from the Lord to use!  It was finally at the end of the second verse that I was able to truly focus on the words of the song and listen to the message that the Spirit was sending me...

When at last I near the shore,
And the fearful breakers roar
’Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
Then, while leaning on thy breast,
May I hear thee say to me,
“Fear not; I will pilot thee.”

My heart was so full...I started to tear up at the thought that, once again, the tender mercies of the Lord were upon me and He was feeling my fear of the task that lies ahead of me.  The last line of the song though completely gave me comfort...Fear not; I will pilot thee.  How could I not think that I would have Him to guide me though working with these girls?  He will be there to help me.  I remember Jennifer talking about all the prayers that were offered on behalf of the girls for camp.  I'm sure it will be the same for me with these girls.  It will be okay.

The meeting progressed through the lesson and was soon almost over.  By now, the chorister had arrived but her new little baby was fast asleep on her chest so she asked me to lead again for her.  I made some silly face and threw out a little exasperated "fine!" for fun and headed up to lead, but not before making another silly comment, "Well, sure....see if I come back next week!"  The ladies laughed...little did they know...I won't be...because I'll be in Young Women's!!!

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