Do you ever have one of those days where you just wish you could go back in time and start it all over again? Today was one of those days.
We had our big "Excellence" meeting today at work. It's a quarterly employee recognition meeting where we have a lot of fun while recognizing people for their achievements and such. Our new VP was there and seemed very interested in the fun we were having. Well, since it's a new year, the committee changed and they were tasked with "changing it up" and making it more "exciting." Yeah, it had gotten kind of boring over the last year or so. So, that's what they did! And, as the Shake'n'Bake girl used to say...."and I helped!"
Boy, did I ever.
So, there was this one game that they were going to play that I just didn't get. I've never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail before, but I've heard about it. In the movie, the people act as if they are galloping along on horses, but they aren't, and then there are people behind them with empty coconuts clopping along behind them to make it sound like the clopping of a horse's hooves. It's something like this:
Well, anyway, so the people that were chosen to do this game were my boss and our new VP! They started at the back of the room, put a stuffed horse between their legs, and started galloping down the aisle with their partners behind them clopping along. It soon got pretty raucous and they were pushing each other and such. Here are two 40-somethings having a grand ol' time trying to beat each other to the finish line. It was quite hilarious! Finally, they reached the end and the VP won.
Then, they called two other people from the audience to play. But...those two people got to choose any two senior staff members they wanted. John picked ME. Eh? What? Fatty Girl CANNOT run. Fatty Girl CANNOT gallop. Fatty Girl is wearing shoes for the first time in 8 weeks and her toes are still sore. Fatty Girl just should not do this. Oh wait...the VP is here. How would it look if I didn't participate? What would Matt think of me? Party-pooper, party-pooper, that's why we invited you, party pooper, George Bahnkes. I was NOT going to let Matt think that about me! I was not going to sit on the sidelines. I was going to do whatever it took to gallop down that 25 feet of aisle as fast as I could. Cindy though, my peer who was also selected, is, oh, maybe 5'10" and 140 pounds and is competitive too. I knew she could "gallop" faster than me. I didn't want to be stuck far behind her, unable to keep up! We both had heels on today so we both took them off and were barefoot. First mistake.
All of a sudden, I hear "go!" and I reach out to grab Cindy's hand to try to pull her back a bit and let me get off first. Second mistake. So, off we start "galloping." Third mistake - I completely forgot that we were supposed to GALLOP, not run! Yep, can you imagine Fatty Girl trying to run, let alone trying to run with a stuffed horse shoved between her legs? Nope, not me either! Apparently though, SOMEONE thought I could do it otherwise they wouldn't have picked me! Yeah, so here we are, 2.36 feet from the starting line and what happens? I FALL. I FALL FLAT ON MY FACE! This body of mine is just so front-heavy that there was no getting past it! I'm laying there - flat on the ground. My life flashed before my eyes, just as I started to go down. It was like sloooooooowwwww-mooooooooootion. Arrrrrrmmmmmsssss sloooooooowwwwwllllllllyyyyy gooooooiiiiiinnnnnnggggg ouuuuuutttt innnnnn frooooooonnnnnnttttt offfff meeeeeee........Oh goodness, what is happening to me? Oh no! I'm gonna fall! I'm gonna get hurt! I might break my glasses! I might hurt my toes! I could break one of my teeth! Please dooooonnnnn'tttt letttt meeeee faaaaaaallllllll!.....Slam. Plop. Crash. Ouch. It kind of looked like the lady at the end of this video clip (I'm bummed nobody caught my fall on video! It would have been hilarious to watch!):
Seriously, it felt like 2 minutes went by. I kind of just laid there until the actual 1.18 seconds passed and in real life I heard, "Are you okay? Is she okay?" from tons of people all around me. In my mind though, all I could hear is "GET THE HECK UP FOOL!!! EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT YOU, ESPECIALLY MATT!!!" I don't think this fat, old, body has ever gotten up off the floor and started moving again so quickly! I took off for the end zone and almost fell again. But I didn't. THANK GOODNESS.
Cindy won, of course, but at least I didn't give up. Everyone was so kind the rest of the day. They just kept asking me if I was okay. I was, except for the rug burn on my hands and a sore spot on my knee. Mostly though, my ego was just bruised. But, I kept a smile on my face the whole day and just made jokes about it....especially when Matt went to leave to head to the airport. I told him, "Nice seeing you again, Matt. Glad I got to fall for you!" With that, he just grinned and waved as he walked away. Feel free to laugh all you want. I did.
OH! I am laughing hard! You poor thing. I'm assuming no cracked teeth, no broken bones, sprained anything??? What a good sport you are! Way to go!
I hate moments like that. You have to laugh, but inside you feel so embarassed. Stop calling yourself fatty girl and give yourself credit for trying!
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