Thursday, May 15, 2008

So Grateful for the Gospel in My Life

Hi everyone,

It's been 10 days since I last posted and I can't believe it's been that long. Let's see...what has happened?

Mother's Day came and went. Still not a mom, but oh well. I've pretty much (99%) given up on that one so it didn't really bother me like in years past. I did relatively well without my own mom being alive anymore - except at church - we sang Love at Home as the opening song and dang that woman for singing that horrible, wretched song to us all those years! It made me sob, thinking about her. I was okay about all of that once the song was over. Had a nice Mother's Day with Auntie Sigie and Lisa at Lisa's house. Clint was able to be there so that was great.

I have been dealing with some really severe emotional/hormonal issues lately. I guess that's one part of why I haven't posted much lately. My hormones are really out of whack. I get horrible hot flashes. I am horribly sad. I retain water at the slightest opportunity. And...worst of all, I've been on my period for 4 months now with the exception of about 15 days sporadically here and there. Poor Clint... I just cannot get happy. It's not his fault. It's these stupid hormones. I went to the doctor and she said I need to make a decision - try to get pregnant through IVF, IUI, fertility, whatever...or go on hormone therapy and never get pregnant. When she told me that, I just threw my hands up in the air and said "we might as well just do that...nothing else has worked." I felt like that was the final straw and it was finally over. I never have done IVF or IUI, but that's just how I felt. I did go through fertility treatment back when I was in my mid-20s, but it didn't work and those hot flashes were actually worse than the wretched ones I'm experiencing now. Anyhow, Dr. RMF tested my thyroid too and now I have to go to an endocrinologist before she will start any treatment...however, I can't get in until July 22nd. I'm in the wrong profession. If I would have known I would have patients lining up at my door for years, I would have studied to be an Endo. Oh well.

Shifting gears now without pushing in the clutch....

So yesterday I was having lunch with my peers and boss and he is telling us about how he had gone to parent night at school the night before and they were telling all of the parents about drug paraphenalia (see, I'm so out of touch that I don't even know for sure if it's spelled right!), pharming, texting about robo parties, etc. I sat there just confused and uncertain what the heck they were even talking about. I'm so GRATEFUL that I was raised in the Church with the knowledge of the Gospel firmly planted within me. I mean, I understand how it's important to know what your kids are doing and all, but wow, what an eye-opener that whole discussion was to me! So, so GRATEFUL.

Well, I just wanted to say hi and temporary bye for now. I'm going to be taking a break from reading the "bogs" for a while. It's kind of hard, emotionally, for me right now. My emotions are so up and down that reading about all of your wonderful, happy lives being stay-at-home wives and moms and all the things you "get to" do just upsets me because I know I will never have that. I know I've chosen the life I have, and I love my life, but I also want yours. I hope you'll understand. And Jenn...Flat Stanley COULD probably use a trip to AZ about now.

Love you all and thanks for reading.


Cindy said...

Kristin, I love you. I'm so sorry things are so difficult right now.

Call me.

Casey Lu said...

Sorry you are having a difficult time right now. You are not alone, I myself am on an emotional roller coaster ride. I am thinking of you and will pray for you!

Angela said...

Kristin--we love you...hang in there. Hope things turn around for you soon.