Back in December, I was temporarily put on some happy pills to help me deal with all the stress in my life regarding work and my health problems. I just couldn't do it anymore on my own. I've never been a proponent of behavioral medication (for myself) - but like I said, I just couldn't do it on my own anymore. I was a bawling mess - all the time. So, I got a little help.
They say people think the pills start working right away and you can notice a change within the first few days, but really it takes a few weeks. I was prepared for it to take a few weeks - but REALLY, it did only take a about 2 days for me to really notice a difference. I was having feelings of happiness that I really couldn't control. I laughed at the weirdest things. But, one thing I noticed was that I couldn't cry unless I were in physical pain.
Now that I have been on these for about 4 months, I am still in need of them, but I don't like them for one simple reason - I can't cry - AT ALL! Yeah, I probably could if I were in physical pain, but anything tied to emotions - nope - nada. My uncle Bob died on Monday - have I been able to cry? Nope. I feel like I really want to - but I can't. Nothing comes. Often, I wonder if I'm just a heartless *&^%$ and I don't have feelings for when people die. But, I DO! It is sad when someone dies. I know that I have a strong testimony and firmly believe in eternal families and life after death, but seriously, I really should be able to show my emotions for the passing of someone I love.
The funeral is next week so we will be heading out to California for it. Maybe I shouldn't take my pills for a couple days so I can actually feel the emotions....nah....it would probably just make me worse - I'd be an honery *&^%$ instead of a heartless one and that would probably be worse considering all the people I will be around.